Family Is About Everything That Comes AFTER....birth

Some things just leave you speechless. This video is one of them. With just tears welling in the corners of my eyes, I get it. I just pray that those who don't yet understand adoption and the why's will understand the pain but more importantly understand the LOVE more to get beyond their own hangups.

Help us Rachel...

Rachel Rostad from Voice Media Group on Vimeo.

Scared.

You'd think that after 4 years of jumping hurdles, facing criticism, and seeing God do the miraculous through this adoption and in my life, I wouldn't have a problem with fear but I absolutely do. I'm sitting here virtually in tears because just like a 8 year old who fears the needle before the nurse even sticks her, the tears roll because of the anticipation of pain. In my case, it's not pain of a needle but it's the pain of what people will think. Even if they don't say anything, in my head, I've conjured up thoughts about what they're probably thinking. The theme of the thoughts are all about the same and they just swirl in my head before I even start. They paralyze my actions.

Day I overcame fear and did the
 One Day Without Shoes Challenge for TOMS. 

Lord, I know that this is so much bigger than me. Please help me to push away pride, fear, and the whispers of the enemy to finish this leg of the race strong. I am your child and I am loved in spite of my mess ups and failures. She is your child and she is loved. Help me to walk in boldness and even beyond my critics so that even in this Lord, You receive the glory.

My friend, whatever you are facing today or in this season in your life, know that God has the power to move mountains. But first, you've got to move your feet. Now, let's go!

We Have A MOWCYA Court Date!

This morning I received great news from our adoption agency! The Ethiopian Court has issued a MOWCYA/Birth Parent court date for our case. The date is May 21st! Not to be confused with the court date where Tony and I will travel to Ethiopia, this assigned court appearance is a bit different. I'll share what I know in the way it was shared with me. On this date, MOWCYA (Ministry of Women Children Youth Affairs) is subpoenaed for our recommendation letter, and her birth parent (if applicable) is requested to appear to give their consent for the adoption.

Our adoption agency will be in touch with our family after this date to let us know whether MOWCYA has written a recommendation letter, whether it is positive, and whether the birth parent gave consent for the adoption (if applicable). There is no guarantee that MOWCYA will have written a positive recommendation letter for our case on that day. If a letter has not been written, the court may give MOWCYA a new date, or may just leave the case open and issue our family a court date once the letter arrives. If the letter is not positive, our adoption agency will work with MOWCYA to see if any additional information is needed or missing. There is always the possibility that they can decide to just not write one so we'll just pray that all is in order in Selah's case.

Currently, our agency anticipates that families will receive court dates to appear in Ethiopia approximately 2-4 weeks after a favorable letter is written. Once that date is provided, Tony and I will travel to Ethiopia for a 7-day trip to meet our daughter for the first time (scream!!!!). We'll also stand before the judge to share our intent for adoption. If all goes well here, we still aren't in the clear. We'll have to leave Selah in Ethiopia, as we travel back to the states to wait for the Embassy to issue her VISA date. 

So how can you help? PLEASE PRAY THAT ALL IS IN ORDER AS WE GEAR UP TOWARDS MAY 21ST. Please pray that paperwork is not lost, the necessary individuals show up and produce any needed documentations/verifications, and that all decision makers do whatever God knows to be in the best interest of the child. Team, we're getting so close!!! 

Thanks again for being the village! Love y'all much!

Ask Anything! Hair

I'm so thankful to the moms who have sent questions. I sincerely apologize that I'm just getting the first post up for our Ask Anything! series. Since we just got our referral, I've been uber busy with updating documents to send to Ethiopia, working full-time, being wife and mommy to my two at home, and you know the other long line of hats that many of us wear.

So while our first question is about boy hair care, if you have a girl, don't tune out. There's relevant info for you too. This particular mom is curious about how to care for her son's hair. The incredible thing about African/African-American hair is that our textures are as diverse as the hues of our skin color. You can have a child with a very tight coil that is a bit more difficult to detangle or a child with a very loose, almost soft curl. There are even little ones whose hair can be naturally bone-straight. Diversity at its best, right? Smile. Well, mommies, that just means that you can't be afraid of experimenting and trying. Also, don't let people intimidate you. You can do it! Here's the big thing though -- as you work with your child, please remember that the language and attitude you display, even when you get frustrated, can easily show up in how your child, especially girls, view themselves. Use hair time as bonding time, especially given the close proximity that you will have with one another. So be patient with yourself and extend yourself grace....scour YouTube, and use this forum as a resource. Don't let the fear of what us other African-Americans will think about you make you stop trying. People are going to talk REGARDLESS...so let them talk. Your job...continue to love on your little one and nurture your family in spite of the world's opinions and stares. Just like this blog series, I expect that there will be some negative opinions but that's okay. I'm doing this for the applause of One. For me, I'm  just being obedient to what I believe God is asking of me. He's not asking for perfection from me...just to take the steps and try. My sister, it's the same for you. So give yourself a break. Breathe in, breathe out...now let's love. (smile)

Oh...btw...here's one more tidbit regarding barbering for African/African-American boys. Everybody is not equipped to cut their hair. The barber who cuts your Caucasian son's hair may not be trained to cut your African son's hair. There is a skill that is involved and trust me when I tell you mama...many of us African-American mamas have had the experience of even poorly-skilled African-American barbers butchering our son's hair. For example, my youngest son's curl pattern is gorgeous and right in the front, his hair grows in a swirl. If a barber cuts it wrong, he looks bald in the front...not a good look at all! Wanna see a mama run from a barbershop or get really feisty? Let a barber cut uneven patches in her son's hair. LOL. So...all that to say 'Barber Beware'. If you haven't been able to find a good barber in your area, let me know and I'll put out some feelers to some other moms.

So here we go....

Close-up of my oldest son's curls. They are
somewhat loose but not a silky loose curl.
The longer his hair gets the more it tangles.

Awesome resources I mentioned in the video:

Beads, Braids & Beyond

Curly Nikki

Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care

Babycakes

Ask Anything! A Safe Place for Vanilla Moms & Dads Raising Chocolate Children

Verme Family Blog

I remember before we started the adoption process, I would sometimes see Caucasian moms and dads with African or African-American children and yes, I would stare....not real hard. I'd try to do it on the sly. I didn't want to be a gawker but I was so curious. Were they their children? Had they adopted? Were they children of some friends they knew? Were they in a big brother/big sister type of program? If they were their kids, how were they teaching them about the African/African-American culture?

Darling Family Blog

Yes.....the questions, the questions, the questions I had. What I had not considered is the awkwardness that the parents and the children themselves must have felt every time they went out in public and perhaps even in private with their extended family members. I've always believed that love has no color and ALL DAY LONG, I'd rather a child be in a loving family than stay in an institution or system just for the sake of them waiting for a family of the same ethnicity to take them in. I believe this for all children -- African, African-American, Asian, Caucasian, and the list goes on.

Wanderer Family Blog

During this adoption process, I've learned that while I've had questions in the past about Vanilla Moms & Dads raising Chocolate children, they have just as many sometimes too. Here's the problem, there's no safe place that I've identified where they can ask them. On two separate occasions, neither of them ever knowing, two of my friends who have adopted internationally, both named Jenn (and Jen), have inadvertently talked with me about creating such a place and I'd like to begin providing it sometimes via this blog. It's a place where moms and dads can ask REAL questions but have never had a safe place to do so without sounding racist, insensitive, or getting a potential tongue-lashing that says, 'Well, why did you adopt them anyway if you wouldn't know what to do?!'

You know questions like....

• Why can't I wash my child's hair everyday like I do mine?
• What's this whole hair thing about anyway?
• My daughter's hair is hard to manage? What do I do? Should I put a relaxer in it?
• The lotion we use still makes my child look dry and ashy? What should I be using?
• How do I safely find African/African-American men or women who can pour into my child about their culture in a way that perhaps I can't?
• How do I deal with issues when my child wants to identify more so with the rest of our family who has straight hair and blue/green eyes? 

Tennant Family Blog

So here's the deal. I'm no expert. Just a mama with a heart for adoption regardless of ethnicity mix. I have a bit of knowledge and when I don't, I have friends who are pretty wise. Send your questions to me at michelle365@me.com. Trust me when I say, I won't tolerate blatant ignorance from anyone. That's not the intent here. At the same time, if you're an adopting parent, don't feel like your questions will offend me. If they come off the wrong way, I promise to lovingly share perhaps a better way to word it so that if you ask the question of someone else in the future, it's taken for the heart of what it's worth. Ready....let's roll!

(BTW: I'm now turning on my comment moderation option so that this blog remains a safe and loving place. Smile. Love y'all!)

More pics of my sweet friends....love them so!

Matthews Family

Reynolds Family

Hammons Family Blog

Referral Day!!!

I can't believe that we finally get to share that we received our referral for a beautiful little girl this past Wednesday evening. It's taken me a while to post this because I've been so busy just trying to process everything.

What's next? We have more paperwork to complete and are waiting for an international pediatrician to review her medical records. Once this is done, we have to let our adoption agency know if we are accepting the referral.

There's so much more that must happen between now and bringing her home and I'll share those details soon. For now, the 'mother' in me wants to protect and nurture her. If I could be on a plane to Ethiopia today, I would...just to love on her. Since I can't, I am thankful that the God that I serve is a Father to the Fatherless and that He has kept and protected her more than I ever could.

Nothing Yet?

Source

If you've ever been pregnant before or know someone who has, there comes a time during around that last month when all you really want is to deliver. You've gone through the excitement of the first few weeks of finding out you're expecting and announcing the news to everyone who has ears. Those first few flutters of the baby moving catch you off guard and bring a big smile to your face. You've gone through the months of feeling your baby kick for the first few times. You've even started working on decorating the nursery and start nesting like nobody's business....all in anticipation of the arrival of your baby. So theoretically, your child should be all ready to arrive during that 40th week at least but man, every birth story doesn't read that methodically. There are some deliveries that are delayed and as a mom, no matter how much you really want to 'deliver already', you must wait.

That's where I find myself. I know all the Christian-ese of our daughter arriving in God's time and I hold strong to that. If I can be totally honest about where I am today, I am just T-I-R-E-D. Like many adopting parents, I have been in spiritual warfare through this adoption like nobody's business...seriously, like nothing I've experienced before. The warfare has been so intense lately that there are fleeting moments when I'm not even sure that it's still going to happen. I am emotionally and physically spent. We've been on this journey since Fall 2009 and it has not been an easy one. If it is true, I feel like satan has unleashed all of his 'big guns' and I kid you not, I know that it is only God's grace and mercy that is sustaining me. For that I'm thankful. So pray for me, us, and all that is to come that His will be done.

She's So Gifted

Yes, I do believe our daughter will be a 'gifted' and talented child (smile) but that's not what I mean this time around. When I say she's gifted in this sense of the word, I'm talking about how well taken care of she is by others. She has been 'gifted' so much by others. Yesterday, I posted about the diamond cross that she received from friends and in the past I've shared some of the other incredible items that have been given to her. 

I'm currently on a 'staycation' from work until the first of the year. During this time, I've been getting our house in order -- literally. In cleaning and purging, I discovered some items that I needed to drop off at my office. As I quickly dashed into my space at work, I noticed a neatly wrapped box on my desk from one of my colleagues. I took a look at who it was from and I just smiled and took it to the car with me.

When I got home and opened it up, inside was a beautiful silver frame with a black letter 'S' on the bottom right corner. I love silver over gold every day so this was absolutely perfect. My colleague and friend, Cynde Murphy, who has been a big supporter of Selah's adoption had thought of Selah during her Christmas shopping. Honored and overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness, I placed the silver frame on my desk at home. I'm so looking forward to the day that we'll finally be able to place a face with the name...and into the frame her beautiful photo will go. Thanks Cynde! We're getting to the home stretch!

A Special Gift Just For Her

I'm in this 'nesting' or purging phase at home which many say is a sign that we must be getting closer to our referral. Each room in our house is getting a small 'lift' and cleaning out. If we don't use an item in the space, it's being donated. If I've been meaning to do something in that space and it can get completed with a diy small budget, it's getting done.

Well, this morning, I'm working on clearing out Selah's room since it had become a makeshift 'storage' place for some odds and ends. While straightening up the closet shelves, I glanced at a cute pink shopping bag that was given by some dear friends. As you've followed our journey, you may know that our daughter really has some remarkable people in her life. Although she's not here yet, there are so many people who have rallied behind bringing her home and just loving on her. Earlier this year, one of those families, The Parkers, gifted her with something really sweet. The box it was presented in was small and petite. Ricky and Whitney Parker are among two of the most stylish young and entrepreneurial-minded people that I know who also have a huge heart for helping those in need. Their little daughter, Kenni P. -- well let's just say that she's a rising star and always steals my heart.

I had no idea what was in the box but when I opened it, I was floored to see the most beautiful diamond cross for a wee little one. It's a children's cross for Selah to wear which is a constant reminder of God's love and plan of redemption for her. What a way to start her off. Thank you Parker Family. We'll cherish this for many years.

Selah's Christmas Tree

This is our 4th Christmas since we started the adoption process. I remember last year posting that I just knew for sure that Selah would be here by now but as they say, we make plans and God laughs...or even better, His timing has such greater perspective than mine. As hard as the wait has been, I know that there's still some maturing and preparation that God is doing in me as we wait. I'm praying that I'll be all that God wants me to be as this child's mother.

Even during this waiting and understanding there is reason behind it, I recall last Christmas being anxious for her to get home so we could finally celebrate Christmas (one of the biggest family holidays) with her. I remember last Christmas (2011), I remember having my eyes on some ornaments at Target. They were sold individually and not in a boxed set like my good ol' faithful fragile glass balls I've bought over the years. These ornaments reflected my personal style but even more so, I thought they'd be perfect for Selah in Christmas 2012 because they were plush-like animal toys and hearts. I waited until the day after Christmas last year and snagged them up, confident that my little girl would be here to play with them....not so much.

So this year, we decorated the tree with the ornaments anyway and because our numbers have gotten a little closer, I asked Tony what did he think about 'perhaps' leaving the Christmas tree up until she came home...it might be as early as Spring or as late as another Christmas. Of course, his daddy's heart said that would be fine. We'll see what I decide as the months after Christmas time pass. If we get too far into the Spring, I can imagine I'll take it down. (No worries...I gave up a natural tree for an artificial tree.) In the meantime, here's a glimpse of my little girl's Christmas tree...

Manicure Mondays

This is so not adoption-related but a girl still has life going on while she's waiting for a referral, right? Well...one of my friends blogs over at Finally....Kriss. Not too long ago, Kriss debuted a blog series called Manicure Mondays. The premise is to take some time on Monday to relax, unwind, slow your pace and take care of little ol' Y-O-U.

I've been meaning to do it but you know, life gets in the way....okay, I let life get in the way of slowing down. Well recently after work, I finally did it....I took some time and painted my own nails. I didn't go to the nail salon; instead, I used some colors and did it all by my lonesome. And ya know what....I really liked it. Check it out....

 Now before you think this color is ***sigh*** a little boring. It has some history. My grandmother, Fannie or as we called her 'Nana' who passed away some years ago, used to bring me in her bedroom and do facials for me. Yes, she'd dig out her honey and almond paste and we'd go to work. The facial would be followed by a manicure and her choice color which she NEVER deviated from was similar to this neutral that I'm showing on my nails. Now I had to jazz it up just a little with some silver glittery sparkle....sorry Nana! smile.

Here's to you Nana and thanks Kriss for the inspiration! I'm looking forward to the day when my daughter and I are painting nails together and creating our very own memories. ahhh.......

You Guessed It....New Adoption Numbers Again!

I can hardly believe it myself! We've moved up in the 'unofficial' waiting list with our agency again. Earlier this week, I shared that there was a bunch of unexpected movement, well Friday, I found out our placement changed to....

Yes, we're working our little behinds off trying to renew our annual paperwork and believe me, it's not as simple as I'd like it to be....even if it's the fourth time we've worked on papers for the adoption. But....I think you and I would both agree...Little Miss Selah is worth it. I'm grateful for the part God is allowing me to play in her life.

New Adoption Numbers

Based on the 'unofficial' list that the families from our adoption agency keeps, I was all set on Tuesday night to share that we had moved up on the list after probably about 5 months of no referral. We had been at number 10 for an infant girl and number 4 for a toddler girl for the longest and then movement....

Well I guess my fingers weren't moving fast enough because as I sat in a meeting at work on Wednesday, e-mail alerts started popping up on my phone sharing that more referrals had come out for families and so now, here are our new numbers...

 

I am so daggone nervous.  We're getting so much closer and seriously, I don't feel like I'm ready. I know we've been preparing since 2009 for what these moments are leading up to but Good Lord, please help me. Her room needs to be done, so many loose ends to tie up, our homestudy has to be renewed, and life is crazy. Selah, Selah, Selah....looks like the appointed time is getting near my sweet daughter.

Please pray for us friends.

Baby Hannah....a birth mom's perspective

I'm often interested in seeing things from another person's perspective. I think it's the 'caretaker' in me as a friend has called it. Adoption is no different. While I understand the emotions that an adopting family goes through, it's important for me to grasp the emotions of a birth parent. This morning I stumbled across this video. While there's not a whole lot of explanation that goes with the video, I do recognize that there are probably two mothers and at the end of the day, all that really matters is the love for this one little amazing girl. Thank you Lord for the courage and selfless love of this birth mother and thank you for the selfless love of this adopting mom. May they all be richly blessed for loving generously like you.


Baby Hannah from Jenni Kjerstad on Vimeo.

My Birth Mom & Me: Finally, Side-by-Side

My birth mom, Kay, and me. After 30+ years  of her death, this is my first glimpse of discovering if we looked alike. 

For the past 30+ years, September has been a really hard month for me. It's the anniversary of my birth mom's death and also her birthday. She died Labor Day September 7th and her birthday was weeks later on September 26th. As I wrote this, I thought about how awesome God is because after such a hard month, the celebration of my birthday follows on October 4th. I never thought of that...I'm so grateful.

My Uncle Adrian recently posted a photo of my mom that I had never seen before. I actually only own one photo of my mom. From what I learned, she was one of those people who didn't like to take photos. Yet, I long for more photos and a voice recording of any kind just so I can know what she sounded like. 

Today, as I pondered what to post onto this blog, I thought about the photo my Uncle Adrian had and I began to wonder if I looked anything like my mom. I don't know that anyone has ever told me if I have or not. So I decided to grab the photos and put them side-by-side. It's really hard to look at the photos together but it's necessary because it begins to put pieces together for me about who I am in relation to her. The first thing I notice are our eyes. Wow. Maybe as the weeks and months go by, I'll be able to stare at it for longer periods of time. For now, I'll savor what I glanced at and thank God for all things.

Happy Birthday Mom!

New Adoption Numbers...AGAIN!!!!

In adoption land, new numbers always bring lots of excitement. So....with pleasure I'm finally posting our new numbers. We're getting closer baby!

I keep this chalkboard in my office. My colleague, Gloria, was so excited to do the honors
of putting up the new numbers.

The Courage of Birth Moms

Contrary to the belief of many, I believe that moms who choose to give up their children are incredible, courageous, and virtuous. In spite of their circumstances, they make the choice of 'life' for their children instead of aborting them. It takes a lot of courage and selflessness, especially given the world that we live in, to decide to carry a child for 9 months, bond with that child during that time, and then selflessly give them up so that they may have a better life.

Some may say, "She had no business getting pregnant in the first place!" I say, "Be careful of the stones that you cast." Let's continue to pray for moms (and families) in these tough situations. In fact, the next time you urge a mom to not abort or give up their child, please be sure you are the first one in line to buy diapers, pay for daycare, food, and the essentials that this unborn child will need. Instead of condemning, let's open up our hearts to understanding and compassion. For theirs is a difficult choice to make and you never really know what you'd do until you're actually standing in someone else's shoes.

This story touched my heart and I hope that it will touch yours as well.

an adoption story // kelly, kelly, candace + chapel from stillmotion on Vimeo.

Love y'all!

New Adoption Numbers...AGAIN!!!!

Shortly after I posted yesterday's adoption numbers, I was stunned to learn from my adoption buddies, Jenn & Chris, that they received their referral!!! Their referral meant that Tony and I were moving up the list to become parents. Totally stunned. So...here's to our NEWEST numbers... 5 & 13!!! I'm getting pretty excited....and to be honest quite nervous too. There's so much to do!

We're #5 & #15

Yep folks! We're still in the waiting room. It's all good though because I have PLENTY to get done on this end before we get a referral and bring little miss home for good.

Here's some good news! We are getting closer....okay, maybe that's scary news for this soon to be mama of a girl. We are now #15 in line for an infant girl and #5 in line for a toddler girl. Eek!!! Can you stand it!

We started this process in 2009 and I would have never guessed that it would have taken this long. Yet, I believe God's timing is impeccable as He prepares me for what's to come.

I'm Taking Amharic Classes Y'all!

While the building is plain on the outside, its impact
to the community is enormous!

This past Saturday, I took my first of 12 classes to learn basic Amharic. BIG thanks to Miss Madie for researching and finding one for me. This woman has been a gem in bridging the gap between our culture and Selah's. Love her for that!

I love the home-like feel of Bete.

The class is held at the Ethiopian Community Center in Silver Spring. Silver Spring is a mecca for Ethiopian culture and you'll find at least one or two Ethiopian restaurants/markets on each block. (Speaking of which, you know I popped into my favorite restaurant, Bete, after class was over to grab a sambusa.)

Although the building is a little plain without any signage on the outside, I quickly found that the real jewel was inside the building with the Director and staff. This facility is a huge asset to the community in that it offers many services to immigrants, refugees, and those seeking to learn more about the Ethiopian culture...like me!

Our class is really small...about 6 of us which is fantastic! I think I'm the only one that is not Ethiopian. The instructor was a little nervous and struggled a little but it was totally fine because this language program is a pilot program. I realized that by the end of the class, I'll probably need to add in some additional resources and use the class for structure and lots of conversation practice....so worth it!!!

We spent much of our time this past Saturday going through the Fidel (Ethiopian alphabet). I came home and found this video which will serve as my practice this week.



BTW: I also purchased this cd/book set from another adoptive mom who creates conversational books/cds for families adopting internationally.  Check her out here: http://www.adoptlanguage.com/Amharic.htm

So hey...pray for me y'all! This is going to be a challenge but preserving Selah's culture is so worth it!