Fun Family Video to Kick Off Week 4 Adoption Challenge!

Check out Tony, the boys, and I as we share our Week 4 adoption challenge BUT be sure to watch to the very end. We are a bunch of silly people and wanted to show this outtake with you. SMH still.

If you're just becoming familiar with our family, here's the deal. We've been in this adoption journey since 2009 and we are now so close to traveling to Ethiopia to meet our daughter and go to court. So exciting! The one obstacle we had is that we were short about $6,000 to take care of our travel costs. (For Ethiopia adoptions, we are required to travel twice, each trip lasting 7 days...not inexpensive by any stretch of the imagination but she's worth it!)


So we decided to dream big. We decided that each week for 6 weeks, our goal was to save and raise $1,000 to cover our travel costs. We have been so blessed in that we have been able to radically cut back at home, save money, and also raise funds. Every week, without fail, we believe that God has blessed us to meet that goal every single week and now we're on Week 4!!! Please consider supporting us.


You can donate directly to www.gofundme.com/selah OR you can purchase a necklace at www.etsy.com/shop/lifeabitsweeter

Thanks for dropping by!

Winners....Curly Nikki Book Giveway

Congratulations to Lenneil T., Ashley G., and Lori T. who each one a copy of the book 'Better Than Good Hair' by Nikki Walton. What a great book. Can't wait for you all to devour it like I am.

Enjoy!
Michelle

The 'Taboo' of Fundraising & Adoption

If a family decides to host and participate in fundraising for their adoption, doesn't that communicate that they really can't afford to raise another child?

Well...take a peek as I discuss this very issue in the below quick clip:

African-American Hair Care & Curly Nikki Book Giveaway!!!

(GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON MONDAY, MAY 6TH!) 
When it comes to taking care of African-American hair naturally and promoting healthy, gorgeous hair, hands down, many of us would agree that psychotherapist Nikki Walton is the go-to expert that many of us follow. Not only does she carry a mean sense of style herself, but Curly Nikki, as most of her fans would call her, is "the most credible online source in regards to natural hair care, maintenance, and decoding the psychological ties between black women and their hair."

As a huge fan myself, I'm excited to share her wisdom in the form of a giveaway. Beginning today, you can enter to win 1 of 3 copies of Nikki's new book, "Better Than Good Hair". The book title in itself makes quite the statement if you're familiar with the old stereotypes of what defines 'Good Hair vs. Bad Hair'. Whether you're a natural hair enthusiast, considering a big chop, want to maintain and grow your relaxed hair, or are a vanilla mommy raising a chocolate little one, you don't want to miss this giveaway. Trust me, you'll thank me. This book is chock full of product recommendation, home care recipes, advice for parents on how to manage their child's hair, and the psychology of hair as it pertains to black women.



Don't miss this great opportunity! The giveaway closes on Saturday, May 4th at 11:59pm Eastern. All three winners will be announced on Monday, May 6th.

To enter, it's REALLY SIMPLE!  

For the first two entry types (Twitter & Instagram), you'll need to copy (right click and save) this Giveaway Badge to your computer. 

The ways to enter are in the image and also in the video below. Take a peek at both and let's roll! I can't wait to send these three copies out. I'm loving mine!

P.S.
Here are a few rules (beyond what's shared in the video above):

• Don't forget to come back to the blog to let us know in the Comments Section if you posted via Instagram, Twitter, or made a donation.
• If you win a copy of the book, shipping is at our expense except if you are outside of the United States.
• For any comments left on the blog, please be kind. While I love discussions to challenge our thinking, it's important to be supportive and non-judgmental of others. I reserve the right to delete any harsh comments which may disqualify individuals from the contest.

That's it lovelies!

(Adoptive mommies: Please also check out the post, "Ask Anything! A Safe Place for Vanilla Moms & Dads Raising Chocolate Children)

Fear & Pride Pushed Aside....I'm Working to Get My Baby H-O-M-E!

It took a LOT and believe me when I say A LOT of being challenged by a couple friends to put in action the plans to fundraise again. Fear followed by a dose of pride is a mean, toxic cocktail when swallowed. It grips our heart and nearly kills our soul. It  can prevent us from allowing God to move on our behalf.
Because we finished our saving and  fundraising for the adoption over a year and a half ago, I didn't want to have to come back and say, hey we're short some funds. No, we didn't do anything crazy with the funds like adding an addition on to our house -- our donated funds are managed by a third party, Lifesong for Orphans. Part of the deficit that we have is in a very small part because I was a little more modest on projected travel expenses for the two 7-day trips to Ethiopia (travel and in-country expenses). The other really BIG HITS we took in our adoption fund is that the process took much longer than anyone would have ever expected. What should have been a 12-18 month journey, turned into a 3 1/2 year journey to complete and she's still not quite home yet. The longer things take to complete, the more money we've had to spend for document renewals which is by no stretch of the imagination cheap. In fact, we're scheduled to go back to Baltimore in two weeks to do another set of Biometric fingerprinting through the Department of Homeland Security (I mean did my fingerprints change in the last year....go figure!) BTW: I'm very thankful for the extended wait now because when we received our referral, she's a perfect fit for our family. I couldn't imagine any other child, in large part, my own childhood and adult journey has prepared me for some of what she may go through

I've been so afraid of what I THINK other 'people' would think, it's paralyzed me. Just when I thought I had enough money set aside to take care of our deficit, the engine in our truck died. There was no repairing. We were told we'd have to completely replace. Given that we're soooo close to paying it off, I didn't want to buy a new vehicle, especially since we're cutting costs at home to manage the day-to-day expenses associated with a new child. So finally, I realized, okay God, this is still not about me (you'd thought I would have that particular memo memorized by now!) The awesome thing that happens with fundraising is that it brings more people into the journey and also exposes more people to the problem at hand.

So my friends....I need YOUR help! Whether you're a first-time donor or returning donor, please know that EVERY SINGLE BIT helps us to reach the finish line until little Miss Selah is finally upstairs in her crib being loved on by her family. The years have been excruciatingly long but God has done some incredible things in that time lapse. Please consider donating and/or spreading the word. I believe we can do this but I'll be honest...I need your help! Thanks for being a part of the journey!



Much love!

Family Is About Everything That Comes AFTER....birth

Some things just leave you speechless. This video is one of them. With just tears welling in the corners of my eyes, I get it. I just pray that those who don't yet understand adoption and the why's will understand the pain but more importantly understand the LOVE more to get beyond their own hangups.

Help us Rachel...

Rachel Rostad from Voice Media Group on Vimeo.

Scared.

You'd think that after 4 years of jumping hurdles, facing criticism, and seeing God do the miraculous through this adoption and in my life, I wouldn't have a problem with fear but I absolutely do. I'm sitting here virtually in tears because just like a 8 year old who fears the needle before the nurse even sticks her, the tears roll because of the anticipation of pain. In my case, it's not pain of a needle but it's the pain of what people will think. Even if they don't say anything, in my head, I've conjured up thoughts about what they're probably thinking. The theme of the thoughts are all about the same and they just swirl in my head before I even start. They paralyze my actions.

Day I overcame fear and did the
 One Day Without Shoes Challenge for TOMS. 

Lord, I know that this is so much bigger than me. Please help me to push away pride, fear, and the whispers of the enemy to finish this leg of the race strong. I am your child and I am loved in spite of my mess ups and failures. She is your child and she is loved. Help me to walk in boldness and even beyond my critics so that even in this Lord, You receive the glory.

My friend, whatever you are facing today or in this season in your life, know that God has the power to move mountains. But first, you've got to move your feet. Now, let's go!

We Have A MOWCYA Court Date!

This morning I received great news from our adoption agency! The Ethiopian Court has issued a MOWCYA/Birth Parent court date for our case. The date is May 21st! Not to be confused with the court date where Tony and I will travel to Ethiopia, this assigned court appearance is a bit different. I'll share what I know in the way it was shared with me. On this date, MOWCYA (Ministry of Women Children Youth Affairs) is subpoenaed for our recommendation letter, and her birth parent (if applicable) is requested to appear to give their consent for the adoption.

Our adoption agency will be in touch with our family after this date to let us know whether MOWCYA has written a recommendation letter, whether it is positive, and whether the birth parent gave consent for the adoption (if applicable). There is no guarantee that MOWCYA will have written a positive recommendation letter for our case on that day. If a letter has not been written, the court may give MOWCYA a new date, or may just leave the case open and issue our family a court date once the letter arrives. If the letter is not positive, our adoption agency will work with MOWCYA to see if any additional information is needed or missing. There is always the possibility that they can decide to just not write one so we'll just pray that all is in order in Selah's case.

Currently, our agency anticipates that families will receive court dates to appear in Ethiopia approximately 2-4 weeks after a favorable letter is written. Once that date is provided, Tony and I will travel to Ethiopia for a 7-day trip to meet our daughter for the first time (scream!!!!). We'll also stand before the judge to share our intent for adoption. If all goes well here, we still aren't in the clear. We'll have to leave Selah in Ethiopia, as we travel back to the states to wait for the Embassy to issue her VISA date. 

So how can you help? PLEASE PRAY THAT ALL IS IN ORDER AS WE GEAR UP TOWARDS MAY 21ST. Please pray that paperwork is not lost, the necessary individuals show up and produce any needed documentations/verifications, and that all decision makers do whatever God knows to be in the best interest of the child. Team, we're getting so close!!! 

Thanks again for being the village! Love y'all much!

Ask Anything! Hair

I'm so thankful to the moms who have sent questions. I sincerely apologize that I'm just getting the first post up for our Ask Anything! series. Since we just got our referral, I've been uber busy with updating documents to send to Ethiopia, working full-time, being wife and mommy to my two at home, and you know the other long line of hats that many of us wear.

So while our first question is about boy hair care, if you have a girl, don't tune out. There's relevant info for you too. This particular mom is curious about how to care for her son's hair. The incredible thing about African/African-American hair is that our textures are as diverse as the hues of our skin color. You can have a child with a very tight coil that is a bit more difficult to detangle or a child with a very loose, almost soft curl. There are even little ones whose hair can be naturally bone-straight. Diversity at its best, right? Smile. Well, mommies, that just means that you can't be afraid of experimenting and trying. Also, don't let people intimidate you. You can do it! Here's the big thing though -- as you work with your child, please remember that the language and attitude you display, even when you get frustrated, can easily show up in how your child, especially girls, view themselves. Use hair time as bonding time, especially given the close proximity that you will have with one another. So be patient with yourself and extend yourself grace....scour YouTube, and use this forum as a resource. Don't let the fear of what us other African-Americans will think about you make you stop trying. People are going to talk REGARDLESS...so let them talk. Your job...continue to love on your little one and nurture your family in spite of the world's opinions and stares. Just like this blog series, I expect that there will be some negative opinions but that's okay. I'm doing this for the applause of One. For me, I'm  just being obedient to what I believe God is asking of me. He's not asking for perfection from me...just to take the steps and try. My sister, it's the same for you. So give yourself a break. Breathe in, breathe out...now let's love. (smile)

Oh...btw...here's one more tidbit regarding barbering for African/African-American boys. Everybody is not equipped to cut their hair. The barber who cuts your Caucasian son's hair may not be trained to cut your African son's hair. There is a skill that is involved and trust me when I tell you mama...many of us African-American mamas have had the experience of even poorly-skilled African-American barbers butchering our son's hair. For example, my youngest son's curl pattern is gorgeous and right in the front, his hair grows in a swirl. If a barber cuts it wrong, he looks bald in the front...not a good look at all! Wanna see a mama run from a barbershop or get really feisty? Let a barber cut uneven patches in her son's hair. LOL. So...all that to say 'Barber Beware'. If you haven't been able to find a good barber in your area, let me know and I'll put out some feelers to some other moms.

So here we go....

Close-up of my oldest son's curls. They are
somewhat loose but not a silky loose curl.
The longer his hair gets the more it tangles.

Awesome resources I mentioned in the video:

Beads, Braids & Beyond

Curly Nikki

Chocolate Hair, Vanilla Care

Babycakes

Ask Anything! A Safe Place for Vanilla Moms & Dads Raising Chocolate Children

Verme Family Blog

I remember before we started the adoption process, I would sometimes see Caucasian moms and dads with African or African-American children and yes, I would stare....not real hard. I'd try to do it on the sly. I didn't want to be a gawker but I was so curious. Were they their children? Had they adopted? Were they children of some friends they knew? Were they in a big brother/big sister type of program? If they were their kids, how were they teaching them about the African/African-American culture?

Darling Family Blog

Yes.....the questions, the questions, the questions I had. What I had not considered is the awkwardness that the parents and the children themselves must have felt every time they went out in public and perhaps even in private with their extended family members. I've always believed that love has no color and ALL DAY LONG, I'd rather a child be in a loving family than stay in an institution or system just for the sake of them waiting for a family of the same ethnicity to take them in. I believe this for all children -- African, African-American, Asian, Caucasian, and the list goes on.

Wanderer Family Blog

During this adoption process, I've learned that while I've had questions in the past about Vanilla Moms & Dads raising Chocolate children, they have just as many sometimes too. Here's the problem, there's no safe place that I've identified where they can ask them. On two separate occasions, neither of them ever knowing, two of my friends who have adopted internationally, both named Jenn (and Jen), have inadvertently talked with me about creating such a place and I'd like to begin providing it sometimes via this blog. It's a place where moms and dads can ask REAL questions but have never had a safe place to do so without sounding racist, insensitive, or getting a potential tongue-lashing that says, 'Well, why did you adopt them anyway if you wouldn't know what to do?!'

You know questions like....

• Why can't I wash my child's hair everyday like I do mine?
• What's this whole hair thing about anyway?
• My daughter's hair is hard to manage? What do I do? Should I put a relaxer in it?
• The lotion we use still makes my child look dry and ashy? What should I be using?
• How do I safely find African/African-American men or women who can pour into my child about their culture in a way that perhaps I can't?
• How do I deal with issues when my child wants to identify more so with the rest of our family who has straight hair and blue/green eyes? 

Tennant Family Blog

So here's the deal. I'm no expert. Just a mama with a heart for adoption regardless of ethnicity mix. I have a bit of knowledge and when I don't, I have friends who are pretty wise. Send your questions to me at michelle365@me.com. Trust me when I say, I won't tolerate blatant ignorance from anyone. That's not the intent here. At the same time, if you're an adopting parent, don't feel like your questions will offend me. If they come off the wrong way, I promise to lovingly share perhaps a better way to word it so that if you ask the question of someone else in the future, it's taken for the heart of what it's worth. Ready....let's roll!

(BTW: I'm now turning on my comment moderation option so that this blog remains a safe and loving place. Smile. Love y'all!)

More pics of my sweet friends....love them so!

Matthews Family

Reynolds Family

Hammons Family Blog

Referral Day!!!

I can't believe that we finally get to share that we received our referral for a beautiful little girl this past Wednesday evening. It's taken me a while to post this because I've been so busy just trying to process everything.

What's next? We have more paperwork to complete and are waiting for an international pediatrician to review her medical records. Once this is done, we have to let our adoption agency know if we are accepting the referral.

There's so much more that must happen between now and bringing her home and I'll share those details soon. For now, the 'mother' in me wants to protect and nurture her. If I could be on a plane to Ethiopia today, I would...just to love on her. Since I can't, I am thankful that the God that I serve is a Father to the Fatherless and that He has kept and protected her more than I ever could.

Nothing Yet?

Source

If you've ever been pregnant before or know someone who has, there comes a time during around that last month when all you really want is to deliver. You've gone through the excitement of the first few weeks of finding out you're expecting and announcing the news to everyone who has ears. Those first few flutters of the baby moving catch you off guard and bring a big smile to your face. You've gone through the months of feeling your baby kick for the first few times. You've even started working on decorating the nursery and start nesting like nobody's business....all in anticipation of the arrival of your baby. So theoretically, your child should be all ready to arrive during that 40th week at least but man, every birth story doesn't read that methodically. There are some deliveries that are delayed and as a mom, no matter how much you really want to 'deliver already', you must wait.

That's where I find myself. I know all the Christian-ese of our daughter arriving in God's time and I hold strong to that. If I can be totally honest about where I am today, I am just T-I-R-E-D. Like many adopting parents, I have been in spiritual warfare through this adoption like nobody's business...seriously, like nothing I've experienced before. The warfare has been so intense lately that there are fleeting moments when I'm not even sure that it's still going to happen. I am emotionally and physically spent. We've been on this journey since Fall 2009 and it has not been an easy one. If it is true, I feel like satan has unleashed all of his 'big guns' and I kid you not, I know that it is only God's grace and mercy that is sustaining me. For that I'm thankful. So pray for me, us, and all that is to come that His will be done.

She's So Gifted

Yes, I do believe our daughter will be a 'gifted' and talented child (smile) but that's not what I mean this time around. When I say she's gifted in this sense of the word, I'm talking about how well taken care of she is by others. She has been 'gifted' so much by others. Yesterday, I posted about the diamond cross that she received from friends and in the past I've shared some of the other incredible items that have been given to her. 

I'm currently on a 'staycation' from work until the first of the year. During this time, I've been getting our house in order -- literally. In cleaning and purging, I discovered some items that I needed to drop off at my office. As I quickly dashed into my space at work, I noticed a neatly wrapped box on my desk from one of my colleagues. I took a look at who it was from and I just smiled and took it to the car with me.

When I got home and opened it up, inside was a beautiful silver frame with a black letter 'S' on the bottom right corner. I love silver over gold every day so this was absolutely perfect. My colleague and friend, Cynde Murphy, who has been a big supporter of Selah's adoption had thought of Selah during her Christmas shopping. Honored and overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness, I placed the silver frame on my desk at home. I'm so looking forward to the day that we'll finally be able to place a face with the name...and into the frame her beautiful photo will go. Thanks Cynde! We're getting to the home stretch!

A Special Gift Just For Her

I'm in this 'nesting' or purging phase at home which many say is a sign that we must be getting closer to our referral. Each room in our house is getting a small 'lift' and cleaning out. If we don't use an item in the space, it's being donated. If I've been meaning to do something in that space and it can get completed with a diy small budget, it's getting done.

Well, this morning, I'm working on clearing out Selah's room since it had become a makeshift 'storage' place for some odds and ends. While straightening up the closet shelves, I glanced at a cute pink shopping bag that was given by some dear friends. As you've followed our journey, you may know that our daughter really has some remarkable people in her life. Although she's not here yet, there are so many people who have rallied behind bringing her home and just loving on her. Earlier this year, one of those families, The Parkers, gifted her with something really sweet. The box it was presented in was small and petite. Ricky and Whitney Parker are among two of the most stylish young and entrepreneurial-minded people that I know who also have a huge heart for helping those in need. Their little daughter, Kenni P. -- well let's just say that she's a rising star and always steals my heart.

I had no idea what was in the box but when I opened it, I was floored to see the most beautiful diamond cross for a wee little one. It's a children's cross for Selah to wear which is a constant reminder of God's love and plan of redemption for her. What a way to start her off. Thank you Parker Family. We'll cherish this for many years.

Selah's Christmas Tree

This is our 4th Christmas since we started the adoption process. I remember last year posting that I just knew for sure that Selah would be here by now but as they say, we make plans and God laughs...or even better, His timing has such greater perspective than mine. As hard as the wait has been, I know that there's still some maturing and preparation that God is doing in me as we wait. I'm praying that I'll be all that God wants me to be as this child's mother.

Even during this waiting and understanding there is reason behind it, I recall last Christmas being anxious for her to get home so we could finally celebrate Christmas (one of the biggest family holidays) with her. I remember last Christmas (2011), I remember having my eyes on some ornaments at Target. They were sold individually and not in a boxed set like my good ol' faithful fragile glass balls I've bought over the years. These ornaments reflected my personal style but even more so, I thought they'd be perfect for Selah in Christmas 2012 because they were plush-like animal toys and hearts. I waited until the day after Christmas last year and snagged them up, confident that my little girl would be here to play with them....not so much.

So this year, we decorated the tree with the ornaments anyway and because our numbers have gotten a little closer, I asked Tony what did he think about 'perhaps' leaving the Christmas tree up until she came home...it might be as early as Spring or as late as another Christmas. Of course, his daddy's heart said that would be fine. We'll see what I decide as the months after Christmas time pass. If we get too far into the Spring, I can imagine I'll take it down. (No worries...I gave up a natural tree for an artificial tree.) In the meantime, here's a glimpse of my little girl's Christmas tree...

Manicure Mondays

This is so not adoption-related but a girl still has life going on while she's waiting for a referral, right? Well...one of my friends blogs over at Finally....Kriss. Not too long ago, Kriss debuted a blog series called Manicure Mondays. The premise is to take some time on Monday to relax, unwind, slow your pace and take care of little ol' Y-O-U.

I've been meaning to do it but you know, life gets in the way....okay, I let life get in the way of slowing down. Well recently after work, I finally did it....I took some time and painted my own nails. I didn't go to the nail salon; instead, I used some colors and did it all by my lonesome. And ya know what....I really liked it. Check it out....

 Now before you think this color is ***sigh*** a little boring. It has some history. My grandmother, Fannie or as we called her 'Nana' who passed away some years ago, used to bring me in her bedroom and do facials for me. Yes, she'd dig out her honey and almond paste and we'd go to work. The facial would be followed by a manicure and her choice color which she NEVER deviated from was similar to this neutral that I'm showing on my nails. Now I had to jazz it up just a little with some silver glittery sparkle....sorry Nana! smile.

Here's to you Nana and thanks Kriss for the inspiration! I'm looking forward to the day when my daughter and I are painting nails together and creating our very own memories. ahhh.......

You Guessed It....New Adoption Numbers Again!

I can hardly believe it myself! We've moved up in the 'unofficial' waiting list with our agency again. Earlier this week, I shared that there was a bunch of unexpected movement, well Friday, I found out our placement changed to....

Yes, we're working our little behinds off trying to renew our annual paperwork and believe me, it's not as simple as I'd like it to be....even if it's the fourth time we've worked on papers for the adoption. But....I think you and I would both agree...Little Miss Selah is worth it. I'm grateful for the part God is allowing me to play in her life.

New Adoption Numbers

Based on the 'unofficial' list that the families from our adoption agency keeps, I was all set on Tuesday night to share that we had moved up on the list after probably about 5 months of no referral. We had been at number 10 for an infant girl and number 4 for a toddler girl for the longest and then movement....

Well I guess my fingers weren't moving fast enough because as I sat in a meeting at work on Wednesday, e-mail alerts started popping up on my phone sharing that more referrals had come out for families and so now, here are our new numbers...

 

I am so daggone nervous.  We're getting so much closer and seriously, I don't feel like I'm ready. I know we've been preparing since 2009 for what these moments are leading up to but Good Lord, please help me. Her room needs to be done, so many loose ends to tie up, our homestudy has to be renewed, and life is crazy. Selah, Selah, Selah....looks like the appointed time is getting near my sweet daughter.

Please pray for us friends.

Baby Hannah....a birth mom's perspective

I'm often interested in seeing things from another person's perspective. I think it's the 'caretaker' in me as a friend has called it. Adoption is no different. While I understand the emotions that an adopting family goes through, it's important for me to grasp the emotions of a birth parent. This morning I stumbled across this video. While there's not a whole lot of explanation that goes with the video, I do recognize that there are probably two mothers and at the end of the day, all that really matters is the love for this one little amazing girl. Thank you Lord for the courage and selfless love of this birth mother and thank you for the selfless love of this adopting mom. May they all be richly blessed for loving generously like you.


Baby Hannah from Jenni Kjerstad on Vimeo.

My Birth Mom & Me: Finally, Side-by-Side

My birth mom, Kay, and me. After 30+ years  of her death, this is my first glimpse of discovering if we looked alike. 

For the past 30+ years, September has been a really hard month for me. It's the anniversary of my birth mom's death and also her birthday. She died Labor Day September 7th and her birthday was weeks later on September 26th. As I wrote this, I thought about how awesome God is because after such a hard month, the celebration of my birthday follows on October 4th. I never thought of that...I'm so grateful.

My Uncle Adrian recently posted a photo of my mom that I had never seen before. I actually only own one photo of my mom. From what I learned, she was one of those people who didn't like to take photos. Yet, I long for more photos and a voice recording of any kind just so I can know what she sounded like. 

Today, as I pondered what to post onto this blog, I thought about the photo my Uncle Adrian had and I began to wonder if I looked anything like my mom. I don't know that anyone has ever told me if I have or not. So I decided to grab the photos and put them side-by-side. It's really hard to look at the photos together but it's necessary because it begins to put pieces together for me about who I am in relation to her. The first thing I notice are our eyes. Wow. Maybe as the weeks and months go by, I'll be able to stare at it for longer periods of time. For now, I'll savor what I glanced at and thank God for all things.

Happy Birthday Mom!