"" Life A Bit Sweeter: My Son is Upset....What's a mama to do?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My Son is Upset....What's a mama to do?

My youngest son, MJ, is definitely a sweetheart but his feelings are hurt.  My grandmother on my father's side, Nana, passed away two days ago.  Nana was in her 80's and lived a great life.  There are so many great memories of Nana and I hope to share them with you in a future post.  Here's my dilemma.  Nana's funeral is in North Carolina on Saturday at 1pm.  MJ's playoff game is on Saturday at 11am in Maryland.  So what's a mama to do?

I decided while he and I were out at the grocery store tonight to tell MJ that I wasn't going to be able to make it to his playoff game on Saturday.  What a mistake?  The tears...the tears.  He tried so hard to be a big boy and hold them back as we cuddled next to cupcakes in the aisle but the tears flowed anyway.  So what's a mama to do?

MJ is not quite in the double-digits age range yet.  This is his first year playing organized basketball and their team was the underdog.  They were the team that no one thought would make it this far.  Honestly, it doesn't matter to me whether or not they win or lose this Saturday.  (Grant it, yes winning is great but it's not my driving factor.)  What matters to me is that my son wants me there at his playoff game with him.  What I don't want to do is regret it years down the road.  Will he remember that his mom wasn't at this crucial game to support him?  (Perhaps you may think that I'm over-thinking this whole thing but it really is a big deal to me right now.  Perhaps you think this shouldn't bother me so much but it does.)

On the one hand, my mind says that I need to be at the funeral...honestly, not so much for my grandmother because I personally believe that funerals are more so for the living, not for those who have died and gone on.  Being at the funeral is more so for my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  To share in the grief with them, yes perhaps even to see the remains of my grandmother one more time.  I very rarely get to see this side of my family, in fact there are many strained relationships that need healing and I'd love to see some of that happen and perhaps help to facilitate some of that.  So what's a mama to do? What do you think?  Should I stay in town and go to MJ's game or should I travel to NC to the funeral to be with my extended family.  What do you think?  This mama really needs your thoughts.


Anonymous said...

Wonderful post, Michelle. I personally think that you should attend the funeral. Given that this is MJ's first year of basketball and presumably, he will play again in the future, there will be many more opportunities for Mommy to be the loudest parent in the stands! However, there will never be another funeral for your Nana. MJ has been the lucky recipient of your nurturing, loving, and supportive care for whatever number of single digits he is, so all that love that he is so used to is not gonna be dismissed/forgotten because of one missed event. Children are much more resilient than we think! Maybe it's time to spread that love and help to heal the rest of the family. You seem to be very creative, so maybe you can come up with something that helps him understand that you are there with him in spirit i.e., a special note pinned to his jersey with encouraging words; have someone tape the game and plan a special time for you and him to watch it upon your return; of course, call at the start of the game and once it's over......Just a few ideas. It is totally understandable that this is something that is weighing heavy on you; we never want to see our kids disappointed and especially not because of us! I just wouldn't want you to regret not attending something that can't be replayed/re-run/re-enacted. Just my .02! Hopefully, whatever decision you come to will be without regret.

Unknown said...

Love your blog! I just happened on it while reading up on adoption blogs. What a tough situation. I would have a hard time deciding too. You know what I think is so neat though? That you will have some wonderful opportunities for conversations with him about this, God, life, death, and honoring people. He's old enough to put himself in your shoes, just like you're trying to do with him. I think including him in the discussion (still knowing that you are making the final decision) will make him feel incredibly valued. And I echo the sentiments of Anonymous above. Out of all the reasons to miss something so important for your son, I'd say a family funeral is certainly of utmost importance. It sounds like you are a mom who makes it a point to be really "there" for her kids. He knows that and that is why he's missing you already! But don't think that this is gonna wound him for life if you handle it with the Lord's guidance and lots of love. I loved the suggestions about watching the game together on video later, and maybe even planning a little extra time together (using his input and ideas of course). This whole event could bring you even closer than if you decided to skip the funeral and just head to the game. Sending a prayer your way for wisdom!


Angela said...

I think you should attend the funeral, but I certainly understand your delimma. God bless.

Kelly said...

You are such a sweet momma. I think you should attend the funeral, maybe write Him a letter on why for him to read down the road. When he gets older he will see that you made a decision based on others and not yourselves. Can someone video tape most of the game and then you guys can have a pizza night and watch it together? :) Love the blog!

Anonymous said...

Wow, decisions, decisions! Both are important-- Your Nana's gone and your son's FIRST playoff game. You'll never get that opportunity again. I experienced something similar but not as difficult this year... My grandson's first basketball league game versus my commitment to my bowling team. I opted to attend his first game and didn't attend another one; but I was there for his FIRST game! The Aunts, uncles and extended family should understand and perhaps you can SCHEDULE some spcial time with them the following day or weekend (were you going to NC for 1 day only?) By the way, what do you think your Nana would want you to do?

Michelle said...

Wow! You all have REALLY blessed me with such great feedback! I'll be sure to post what I decided to do.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Michelle - I am soooo sorry to hear about your Nana. I have had to deal with some tough situations lately, myself, since my Dad has been in/out of the hospital alot, lately. Seeing as your Nana has already passed away, I think you should go to the MJ's game. If you could go there and see her one last time before she died I would've said "miss the game, go see Nana", but seems to me that MJ's tender heart needs his Mama there at the game. Whatever you decide...I'm praying for you!!!! ~Delilah

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