If you've ever been pregnant before or know someone who has, there comes a time during around that last month when all you really want is to deliver. You've gone through the excitement of the first few weeks of finding out you're expecting and announcing the news to everyone who has ears. Those first few flutters of the baby moving catch you off guard and bring a big smile to your face. You've gone through the months of feeling your baby kick for the first few times. You've even started working on decorating the nursery and start nesting like nobody's business....all in anticipation of the arrival of your baby. So theoretically, your child should be all ready to arrive during that 40th week at least but man, every birth story doesn't read that methodically. There are some deliveries that are delayed and as a mom, no matter how much you really want to 'deliver already', you must wait.
That's where I find myself. I know all the Christian-ese of our daughter arriving in God's time and I hold strong to that. If I can be totally honest about where I am today, I am just T-I-R-E-D. Like many adopting parents, I have been in spiritual warfare through this adoption like nobody's business...seriously, like nothing I've experienced before. The warfare has been so intense lately that there are fleeting moments when I'm not even sure that it's still going to happen. I am emotionally and physically spent. We've been on this journey since Fall 2009 and it has not been an easy one. If it is true, I feel like satan has unleashed all of his 'big guns' and I kid you not, I know that it is only God's grace and mercy that is sustaining me. For that I'm thankful. So pray for me, us, and all that is to come that His will be done.
3 comments:
Oh woman! I know you get that God has woven himself all through this experience. I know that you know that He knows when this labor will end. BUT, I so totally understand that there are times when you want the growing season to pass...you are ready to REAP in JOY!
I keep thinking about Joshua, looking over Jericho, all of his greatest warriors shaking in their warrior boots. Then, as Joshua looked over the city, and surveyed the walls, God spoke directly to him, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its kings and its fighting men." God knew the town would be delivered, the strong walls would fall. Even though Joshua looked with his human eyes and saw the city still needed to be conquered, God looked outside of time and saw that Joshua and his people would be victorious.
Just like He looks outside of time and already sees Selah in her room, in your arms, cheering at her brothers' basketball games. In her Easter dress. At her high school graduation. On her wedding day.
I fell like, as you stand and look into Selah's waiting room, God is saying, "See? I have delivered your daughter into your arms!" ;)
I love you friend, thank you for your honesty. I can't imagine your pain and struggle, you are in my prayers!
Michelle,
I definitely understand your pain. Check out my blog to read about my health journey. Continue to fight the GOOD fight of FAITH.
www.CaringBridge.org/visit/itisfinished
Sharron Rouse
October 2011 - I actually said the words "I want to stop. I don't want to do this anymore". I know girl, I KNOW. Did you ever read this post about that moment? http://wagest.blogspot.com/2011/10/mustard-seed-faith.html You are SO, SO close Michelle. Three months later I saw my daughter's face. And YOU, my friend are #1 for an older girl, right???? Anyday hon, anyday. love to you!!!
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