I remember getting our dossier to Ethiopia (DTE) was such a happy day....January 7th! We were beyond thrilled because it meant we could begin the countdown to the approximate number of months it would take before we were matched with our daughter. Like many waiting families, we would do something special on the 7th of each month to celebrate our DTE Anniversary. First, we started off trying something healthy to eat but then my Paula Deen lovin' country self got bored with that and decided to serve someone in the community instead on these months. It was fun...it was lively....it was fantastic counting down those months UNTIL we found out through our agency that the wait to be matched with our daughter would now be longer than the original 9 months or so. The wait grew to 12-18 months and at this point, I'm thinking perhaps even longer. I know there are some good reasons for the extensions and our agency is working their tooshies off to make sure things are done ethically which I soooooo appreciate.
Although I've been busy with nesting and I am truly loving it, the truth about today is that for some reason it's hard. Yep, it's one of those days for me. I know all the pick-me up points and encouragements like "In God's timing" and "He's working it out behind the scenes". Those are the same words I use to encourage other moms who are on this side of the coin. I know that I have to be patient but in the meantime, what do I do with this aching mommy heart that longs for the face of a little person who I can only dream about right now. It stinking hurts. Yet, I know no matter how much this hurts today, right now....I have to take my heart, even while it's hung low to my Father. It's only Him that can get me through this valley.
Perhaps I'll be ready to celebrate DTE anniversaries again but right now approaching our nine month mark in a couple of weeks doesn't exactly have me doing cartwheels......and that's real talk.
I almost didn't hit publish on this post but from the very beginning I promised to be honest about my journey....so here goes...............
Monday, September 19, 2011
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5 comments:
Michelle, I'm so sorry you are struggling today; I can't even imagine how it feels to be in the middle of this wait. I love following your journey and can't wait to see the baby girl that God has for your family. It will happen and it will be awesome! In the meantime, praying for patience, peace and joy... ~candace
You sound like I felt at mile 30 of our recent 41 mile hike...how does that sound? Like you lost control of your right hip so you're now only stepping up with your left leg, like your entire pinkie toes are one big blister, like you've sweat through your clothes about 8 times already that day, like 5 hour energy drink does NOTHING for you. Maybe you don't PHYSICALLY feel like that, but more emotionally. While we are, at this very moment, waiting for our DTE date, I also am sort of dreading RECEIVING this date, because I know that's when this big, long wait begins, and there's NOTHING I can do about it, but wait...and trust. Because HIS ways...(you got it!) are BIGGER...than MY WAYS! ALWAYS! Chin up, dear sister! You will celebrate DTE days again! :)
Candace & Kelly:
You all are ohhhh so special to me! Thank you for being a part of our journey and allowing me to be a part of yours. Just the friendship hugs needed on a day like today. *hugs*
I'm so sorry to hear this wait is getting you down. I really do feel for you. I so look forward to the joyous day you finally see the sweet face you've been waiting and praying for. Until then, you're in my prayers.
Robyn
Thanks so much for your prayers Robyn. God has been doing a remarkable thing in my heart since this post. Praying I don't stay like the complaining Israelites too long! :-)
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